At some point, my brain stopped being a background voice and started acting like it runs my entire life. And not in a helpful way—more like jumping in and making everything way more complicated than it needs to be.
If you have emetophobia or anxiety about getting sick, you know exactly what I mean when I say the “after” moment. That post-episode clarity. You freak out, you spiral, you’re convinced something is wrong… and then eventually it passes. And you’re just sitting there like… okay. I’m fine. That just happened. It’s almost frustrating how normal everything feels after, like nothing was actually wrong, but your brain had you acting like it was an emergency. And then it happens again. That anxiety cycle is exhausting.
Because in the moment, it doesn’t feel like overthinking. It feels real. It feels important. It feels like something you need to figure out right now. My brain will take the smallest feeling or the most random thought and turn it into anxiety about getting sick or overthinking symptoms. I’ll be completely fine, and then suddenly I’m checking myself—thinking about how I feel, paying attention to things I normally wouldn’t even notice. And once that switch flips, it’s hard to turn it off.
It’s the same with plans. I can be genuinely excited about something, looking forward to it, and then my brain starts getting involved. It starts running through possibilities, preparing for things that haven’t even happened, making me feel like I need to be on edge just in case. It takes a normal moment and adds this layer over it—not always panic, just enough to keep me thinking.
That’s what gets me. It’s not always big or dramatic. It’s subtle. It’s constant. It’s like my brain is always trying to stay one step ahead of something that isn’t even there. And it feels protective, which is the trap. It feels like if I just pay attention enough, I’ll avoid something bad. Like I’m doing the right thing by listening to it.
But then you hit that moment after, when everything settles, and you realize you were okay the whole time. And it’s like… why did I just go through all of that?
Lately, I’ve been noticing it more in real time—catching it while it’s happening instead of after. Like wait… this again? Because that’s really what it is. My brain stepping in where it doesn’t need to. Overstepping.
Having a thought is one thing. Turning it into a whole situation is another. And I’m starting to separate that a little bit. Not perfectly, not every time, but enough to notice the difference between me and the noise.
Just because my brain says something doesn’t mean it matters. It doesn’t mean it’s true. And it definitely doesn’t mean I have to stop everything and listen.
So now it’s more like I hear it… I just don’t follow it the same way. I let it be there without turning it into something bigger. And honestly, that alone has been a shift.
Because my consciousness might overstep… but I don’t have to let it run everything.
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